i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
