I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
