im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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