I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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