I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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