I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
