i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
