his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
