I think my fart just growled at me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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