My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
