I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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