Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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