Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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