so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
