You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
