you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
