I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
