So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
In America we eat man semen.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
