my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
