I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
