Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
But theres a keg here and me gusta
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
