We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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