hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
