Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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