I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
