I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
