did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think my vagina is haunted
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
