you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
