I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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