Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
