No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
