i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
