Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
