Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
