I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
