I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
