Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
