How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
