Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
it's like heaven, but drunker
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
