I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
