Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
