I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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