I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Randomize
