I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
