God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
