dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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