Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
