One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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