If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
