You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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