Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
