you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so let's talk penis.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
