don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
