I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
