I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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