Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
