It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
