Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
