Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
