you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
