That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
