I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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