I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
there's paper in my vomit.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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