i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
