How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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