I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
