Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
