My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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