the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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