Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I wish there were birth control emojis
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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