Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
