I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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