I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
