oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Terrible idea I love it
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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